


Fate Up Against Your Will

by BlackTeaAddict



Series: The Dreams In Which I'm Dying Are The Best I've Ever Had [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Odinson Bros Feels, POV Thor (Marvel), Past Character Death, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Protective Thor (Marvel), Suicide Attempt, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-13 23:31:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16028279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackTeaAddict/pseuds/BlackTeaAddict
Summary: Thanos was defeated and all the people he had killed come back to life. However, Loki is not amongst them. Thor decides to check on Sakaar. He manages to escape the planet with his brother, but prying Loki out of Grandmaster’s hands entirely proves to be much more difficult.A sequel toThe Dreams In Which I'm Dying Are The Best I've Ever Had, but can be also read as a stand alone.





	Fate Up Against Your Will

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the Infinity War fix-it but it made everything even more horrible so I had to write the fix-it of a fix-it. To make things a little bit better.
> 
> This is a sequel to _The Dreams In Which I'm Dying Are The Best I've Ever Had_ , where Loki gets resurrected by the Grandmaster. Reading the first part is appreciated but not absolutely necessary to understand what’s going on, because the second part is from Thor’s POV and he is just as clueless as to what happened there. So if you just want the Odinson bro feels go ahead, I guess. You'll be missing some details, but the general plot of the second part should be understandable. There’s not much plot there honestly… mainly just characters talking. So if you expect some epic action, it’s not for you. If you expect pain and angst, I hope you’ll like it.

 

Thor couldn’t enjoy the victory over Thanos for long. The Mad Titan had fallen and his reign had ended, but Thor’s mission wasn’t over yet.

All the evil done by Thanos got reversed, his victims brought back to life. Everyone gone in the snap and almost all of those murdered on the Statesman. Almost. There was one very significant absence among the sea of faces. His dear brother.

Thor greeted his friends who just returned back to life, one after another getting crushed in his bear hug. His heart rejoiced to see his people back, not all of Asgard gone after all. Yet his eyes never stopped scanning the crowd, hoping to spot a glimpse of pitch-black hair and a pale face with sharp cheekbones, to no success. He watched his fellow Avengers reunited with their loved ones and hoped the half-heartedness of his smile wasn’t showing much.

Even though Thanos’ words echoed at the back of Thor’s mind - _No resurrections this time_ \- he simply refused to believe his brother is gone for good. Thanos was no ultimate master of life and death, he was just a madman who laid his hands on a very powerful artefact. No matter how much he claimed or wished to, he had no absolute power over anyone's fate, his words meant nothing.

There was a very simple explanation why Loki hadn’t returned with everyone else. He somehow must have managed to come back earlier. Knowing his brother’s history and his numerous escapes from death, it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility.

Thor asked Heimdall to search through the universe. Even though, after a long time, Heimdall didn’t come across any trace of his brother, it still didn’t diminish Thor’s hope. After all the all-seeing Heimdall also couldn’t spot Loki when he landed right in the hands of Thanos after his fall from Bifrost. Loki simply must be out of Heimdall’s reach, that’s all.

It was Valkyrie’s idea to check on Sakaar. She heard the Grandmaster allegedly possessed the power to bring back the dead and it was clear he took a fancy to Loki. Thor decided it’s definitely worth checking and formed a small rescue mission, along with Valkyrie and Heimdall.

 

***

 

Thor really wished he’ll never set foot on this wretched planet again. But he had an important reason to come back here.

The concealing spells Heimdall put on the spaceship were working perfectly for now, they got into the Grandmaster’s palace completely unnoticed. As soon as they flew out from one of the wormholes, Heimdall easily located Loki in one of the bedrooms. Thor and Valkyrie headed for the room to retrieve Loki, Heimdall stayed behind, guarding their little ship.

It was early morning, most of the people passed out after the party that had just ended. Thor and Valkyrie moved quietly through the corridors. To their surprise they somehow managed to easily avoid any guards. They expected the Grandmaster to sense their presence at some point and were prepared for the tough fight to break through the herds of guards, but they reached the doors to Loki’s bedroom with no bigger problem.

Thor told Val to stay on the watch by the door and crept up to Loki’s bed. His brother was sleeping peacefully, his chest moving up and down with steady breaths. For a moment Thor froze, enthralled by the sight of his brother alive and well. He hoped it’s not just a dream and he won’t wake up alone in a moment. He sat on the edge of the bed and gently placed a hand on his brother’s mouth to muffle any potential screams. Loki’s eyes snapped open.

“Lo- ouch!” Thor felt a sharp pain in his side. A dagger. “Loki, calm down, it’s me.” Loki gave a muffled wail and grabbed Thor’s hand to push it away from his mouth. Thor noticed a flash of recognition in his brother’s eyes. It seemed like Loki’s mind cleared up a little after the abrupt wake-up and Thor decided it’s safe to take his hand away.

Loki stared at him with wide-open eyes. “Thor? Is that you? You’re… you’re alive?”

Thor gave him a bright smile. “Yes, Thanos is defeated, everyone is back alive, but I’m going to tell you everything later, when we’ll be safe.” He pulled the dagger out with a soft grunt. Thankfully the wound wasn’t very deep.

It seemed though as Loki didn’t fully register his words. There was something almost feral about him, in his tousled hair and big, frenzied eyes. Loki slowly reached one of his hands towards Thor’s face. The moment the tips of his fingers brushed Thor’s cheek, he gasped and abruptly took the hand away, as if he got burned. “You’re... here,” he mumbled out. “Fuck, you’re really here…”

“Yes, brother, I’m really here.” Thor smiled and reached towards Loki to place his hand on his brother’s neck, an old, almost automatic gesture, but Loki swatted his hand away.

“Don’t touch me.”

Thor was taken aback by Loki’s request, but he pulled back his hand and stood up. “I’m getting you out of here, brother. So get out of the bed before the guards will come here.”

Loki nodded and jumped out of bed, still a little disoriented. And very much naked. Thor tried not to stare too much, but couldn't help noticing the many bruises and bite marks that marred his brother’s pale skin. Loki, though, seemed to be rather unbothered by his state of undress.

“Listen, Thor…”

“Maybe put some clothes on.”

Loki looked down at his body and blushed, as if only now he noticed his own nakedness. “Ah, fuck.” The golden shimmer slid down his body and wrapped him in a tight, black leather outfit. “Um, sorry. Ah, Thor, listen to me carefully. Before we escape, you have to promise me one thing.” He looked Thor straight in the eyes. “As soon as we’ll leave this planet, you’re going to kill me.”

The request knocked all the air out of Thor’s lungs. He couldn’t quite believe his own ears. “What? What are you talking about?”

“Please, promise me you’re going to kill me.”

Thor stared at his brother slack-jawed. What kind of madness was this? “You know I can’t promise you this, Loki...”

“Thor, please, just for once liste-”

Valkyrie knocked Loki out with one strong blow to the back of the head. His brother slumped unconscious to the floor.

Thor shot Val an indignant look. She just shrugged her arms. “What? We have no time to waste.”

Thor slung his unconscious brother over his shoulder and they rushed to their ship. On their way back they met only a few guards who got easily defeated. Heimdall also wasn’t under any vicious attack. With suspiciously little problem they left Sakaar.

That was easy. Too easy.

 

***

 

“Cheers.”

Val clinked her bottle of beer against Thor’s. They had a little celebration of their successful mission, however the atmosphere was in fact far from celebratory. They both shared that uneasy feeling in their guts.

Thor’s thoughts kept revolving around Loki’s words. _Promise me you’re going to kill me_. Loki wasn’t mad. He simply must have been very drunk. Or high. Or both. That’s why he wasn’t making any sense. But soon he’s going to sober up and be alright. Thor had to hope for the best. Everything is going to be fine.

Oh Norns, he really hoped the Grandmaster hadn’t done any irreversible damage on his brother’s mind.

Thor took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. All that wait for Loki to wake up made Thor really nervous. This, and also their surprisingly easy escape.

“Don’t you think,” said Thor, “it seemed as if nobody put a real effort to stop us?”

Valkyrie nodded. “Yeah, very suspicious.” She took a swig from the bottle. “I have this awful feeling that we just got dragged into one of the Grandmaster’s nasty games. And soon we’ll find out the rules.”

They sat and drunk in silence for a while. Suddenly a scream pierced the whole ship.

_Loki._

They dashed to the room where they left him, the screams growing louder as they got closer. Thor barged inside, only to see his brother twisting in pain, floating a few inches above the bed.

“Loki, what’s happening?” Thor slowly approached the bed. “Loki?” He got no reply, Loki just kept on wailing, his body contorting in pain. His eyes were wide open, but he didn’t seem able to really see anything.

Thor shot Val a questioning glance.

“I’m just as clueless as you,” she said. “Maybe he’s going through some very violent withdrawal. I don’t know.”

Soon they were joined by Heimdall and Hlín, the royal healer, Eir’s niece and one of her most skilled apprentices. Hlín started to examine Loki. She hovered her hands above his body, a golden glow flowing down and into Loki’s skin.

“You have to hold him down. I can’t see anything when he’s tossing around like that.”

Thor and Valkyrie grabbed Loki’s hands, Heimdall - his legs, and together they pinned him down to the bed. This made Loki trash even more violently.

“Shhh, brother, calm down. It’s all right, we’re going to take care of you-” Loki almost managed to get one of his legs out of Heimdall’s grip. ”Loki, please.”

Hlín put her hands on Loki’s forehead and above his heart and started to quietly mutter her spells. Loki’s screams turned into one long whine that ended with a choked sob. She took her hands away. “He’s pushing away my magic. I tried to soothe his pain, but he won’t let me. It seems like everything I do is just making it worse.”

“Brother, why are you doing this? Why don’t you just let us help you?”

Loki started to wheeze, his limbs twitching violently. He let out one last whine, his eyes rolled back and he slumped down on the bed.

Thor’s heart stopped for a moment. He shook his brother violently. “Loki, no! Come back!”

“Don’t worry, he’s just unconscious,” said Hlín. “At least now I can examine him in peace.”

Thor, Valkyrie and Heimdall let go off Loki’s limbs and moved away from the bed. Hlín once again hovered her hands above Loki, scanning his body carefully, her brow furrowed in concentration. Suddenly she stopped and shook her head in disbelief.

“There’s something inside,” said Hlín. “I can sense some foreign power flowing through Loki. Just as if someone wove their magic into his body. I can clearly see the thin threads entwined into his nervous system, but when I try to pull them out they just slip through my hands like water. It’s nothing I’ve ever seen before in my life.”

The Grandmaster. Thor might have snatched Loki from Sakaar, but freeing him completely from Grandmaster’s control will be much harder.

Hlín gave Thor an apologetic look and bowed her head. “I’m so sorry, Your Highness, but there’s nothing I can do.”

Thor put a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t blame yourself about that, Hlín. We’re dealing with an ancient and very powerful being here. There are not many who can match his power.”

But Thor needed to find them and convince them to help him.

 

***

 

The next morning, according to the daily rhythm they adopted on their ship, Thor and Valkyrie were in the middle of eating breakfast, when Loki appeared in the door. Thor didn’t expect him to be able to walk on his own so soon. Loki’s legs were shaking a little with every step, but he didn’t seem to be in any unbearable pain any more, his face tired but relaxed. He plopped down on a chair at the head of the table.

“You’re awake,” said Thor. “How are you feeling?”

“Much better than yesterday,” said Loki. “But I think you can clearly see this yourself. Just don’t get too excited, this won’t last long. The Grandmaster is probably only giving me enough break to get you acquainted with the situation and convince you to bring me back.”

“Then I’ll spare your time and tell you that there’s no way I’m getting you back to that scoundrel. He can forget about it.”

“Good. I’m not too fond of that option myself. And that brings us to my question. After all you’ve seen, did you change your mind when it comes to my proposition?”

“What proposition?”

“Well, it’s more of a request, honestly. The one I told you back on Sakaar, don’t tell me you don’t remember.”

Oh, not this again. Thor felt his stomach churn. “The one about me killing you?” Loki nodded. “I rather hoped that _you_ will change your mind about that.”

“What?”

“I hoped that once you’ll sober up, you’ll end with this absurd idea.”

Loki huffed with indignation. “Absurd?”

“How else am I supposed to call it? I come to save you and you ask me to kill you? You didn’t make much sense, Loki.”

“Maybe it would make more sense, if you were actually willing to listen to me, but, as usually, you were not. And you!” Loki pointed at Valkyrie. “You didn’t even let me finish.”

Val lifted her hands up in defence. “We had no time. But now we can listen.”

“No, we can’t,” growled Thor. “I don’t want to hear any more of this madness. This option is also off the table.”

Loki sighed deeply and closed his eyes. “And what proposition do you have then, brother? Do you even have one?”

“We’ll try to pull out the Grandmaster’s magic out of your body.”

“Great plan indeed. Do you realize, you fool, it’s not so easy? Not to say probably impossible?”

“Yes, it might not be easy, but if we’ll find someone powerful enough then it might become possible.”

“Finding someone powerful enough won’t be so easy either. Do you even have any candidates?”

“Heimdall is trying to contact Norns.”

Loki snorted with laughter. “Alright, then it means you have no real candidates.”

“How can you say that? You don’t know this yet. Maybe they will help us.”

“You know, I’ve tried to contact them when I was still on Sakaar and they just ignored me.”

“You didn't have Heimdall beside you,” said Thor. “And the request didn’t come from the All-Father himself. They will answer.”

“I don’t think even you, the Mighty Thor, can change the tracks of my cursed fate.”

“Cursed fate?”

“Yes. _The cursed fate_. How else am I supposed to call it?”

“You escaped the clutches death numerous times! How is that a cursed fate?”

“Yes, exactly. That’s exactly one of the things that make my fate cursed.”

“How is a good luck a bad thing?”

Loki cackled madly. “Oh, you know nothing, Thor, you know nothing.” He huffed with annoyance and looked to the side, his gaze distant.

Thor noticed he was fumbling with his hands under the table. Scratching the palm nervously. An old nasty habit Loki still couldn’t give up.

“Loki, please, don’t do this,” said Thor.

“Do what?” Loki spat out.

Thor gestured at his hands. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

Loki abruptly stopped fiddling with his hands and looked down as if he only now realized what he was doing. He huffed a bitter laugh and looked up, but his stare was distant.

“ _He_ used to tell me that too, in his many mock shows of concern.”

Thor didn’t have to ask who Loki had meant. “Loki, you’re safe now. He won’t lay a finger on you ever again. Everything is going to be alright now, I promise.”

“Don’t make a promise you can’t keep.”

Thor decided there’s no sense in further arguing with his brother and went back to eating his breakfast. He noticed Loki still didn’t eat anything.

“Loki, please, help yourself.” Thor gestured at the variety of foods lying on the table.

“I’m not hungry,” Loki mumbled out.

“If none of these are to your liking, I can tell the cook to prepare something else for you.”

Loki just brushed him off with a wave of his hand.

Thor shrugged, took a huge bite of a fresh, sweet bun and downed it with milk. When he was putting the cup back on the table, he noticed Loki was gawking at him. “What?” he asked with his mouth full.

Loki leaned forward and squinted his eyes. “You have a new eye. Why the weird colour, though?”

“I got it from a rabbit, there was no choice in colour.”

Loki snorted. “A rabbit?”

So Thor told him about how he met the Guardians and become friends with Rabbit the Raccoon and the Tree. How together they went to Nidavellir to forge a new weapon. About their fight with Thanos, their friends turning to ashes. Then about the glorious victory and how everyone killed by the Titan returned back to life. Thor was grateful for the change of subject, some of the heaviness in his chest disappearing when they didn’t talk any more about Loki’s suicidal delusions.

Thor went to his room and brought the Stormbreaker, so his brother could see with his own eyes the weapon that beheaded the Mad Titan.

“It’s the strongest weapon in history of Asgard, able to withstand even the power of the Infinity Stones. You want to hold it?” Thor held out the axe toward his brother.

Loki shook his head. “Oh no, I won’t fall for that.”

Thor frowned with confusion. “Fall for wha- ah! The Stormbreaker doesn’t have the same enchantments that Mjolnir had. Besides, now you’re worthy anyway. Come on, take it.”

Thor handed the Stormbreaker to Loki. His brother stared in awe at his new axe, caressing the sharp blade with his fingers. Thor saw something dark appear in Loki’s eyes, the cogs in his mind turning. The feelings in Thor’s guts told him it was nothing good. He abruptly took back the Stormbreaker and put it away, leaning it again the wall behind his chair, out of Loki’s reach.

Thor changed the subject and told Loki about New Asgard, hoping to distract his brother. Loki listened to him, nodding from time to time, but kept throwing the longing glances at Stormbreaker. It made Thor feel uneasy. He was starting to regret showing his new axe to his brother.

Loki hissed suddenly and grabbed his left arm. He pushed up the sleeve and his eyes widened with terror. Thor leaned forward and tilted his head to the side to get a better view. There were letters appearing on Loki’s forearm, one after another carving on his his skin.

_I MISS YOU, SWEETHEART_

Was that… a message from the Grandmaster? When Loki caught him staring, he quickly hid his arm under the table and pushed the sleeve down.

Thor sat back and pushed his plate away. Suddenly he lost all the appetite. He took a few big gulps of milk to swallow down the bad taste in his mouth.

Loki hissed again, this time clutching the right arm. He turned his back to Thor to hide the message from his gaze. A moment later he turned back.

“This one is for you,” said Loki and held out his arm towards Thor.

 _SPARKLES, BRING LOLO BACK,_ _  
_ _I’VE CALLED DIBS ON HIM FIRST, DON’T BE RUDE._

Thor smashed the cup he was holding, spilling the milk all over the table, making Loki and Val jump up in their seats.

“Turn back the ship!” Thor roared. “I’m going to kill that bastard!”

“If we’ll return on Sakaar,” said Valkyrie, “I’m sure this time the Grandmaster won’t let us get away that easily. And you might lose Loki for good.”

“You’re right. I should go there on my own.”

“What? No way! I’m not going back there yet again just to save your royal ass!”

“There would be no need for that.” Thor stood up and called the Stormbreaker to his hand, his fists clenching hard on the handle. “I’m going to split that bastard in half, just like I did with Thanos.”

“The Stormbreaker is a powerful weapon, but I’m not sure it’s strong enough to kill the Grandmaster.”

Thor’s shoulders slumped. “You think?”

“Yeah, the guy’s practically immortal. So excuse me, Your Highness, but you’re not going anywhere.”

Thor, with a deep sigh, reluctantly put the Stormbreaker away.

Loki suddenly tensed up, his back going rigid.

“What’s wrong, brother?” asked Thor.

“Ah, nothing, just another message. On my back this time.”

“Do you want me to read it for you?”

“I can feel every letter carving into my skin, so, thankfully, there’s no need for that. This message is… ah…” Loki’s cheeks blushed a little. “For me only.” He cleared his throat. “And I really hope those messages are not permanent.”

Thor thought that probably it’s all for the best that he couldn’t see the filth the Grandmaster was writing on his brother’s back. It would probably really make him destroy the whole ship.

 

***

 

Heimdall still had no good news for them. He called for the Norns repeatedly, but so far the only answer he got was silence. Heimdall told Thor to be patient and not to worry, the Norns had a lot of work, sorting out all the chaos caused by Thanos, and probably there were many more unfortunate souls bothering the sisters with their pleas than just them two.

In the evening Loki cornered Thor in the corridor.

“Thor, you have to listen to me.” Loki pinned him down with an imploring stare, a lunacy lurking underneath. “I’m sure the break will end soon and when the pain will return, I don’t know if he’ll ever let me fully wake up again. And then you’ll have to try to kill me...”

“Loki…”

“No!” Loki snapped and pointed a finger at him. “Now I’m talking and you listen!” Thor huffed angrily, but didn't say anything any more, letting his brother continue. Loki closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. “I know that simply killing me is not enough. I’ve tried in multiply ways, but he could always bring me back.” Loki’s tone was oddly detached. It made Thor feel really uneasy. “However, there’s still one thing I wasn’t able to test. There’s this very short moment between the death and the resurrection when the link between me and him is severed. If we’ll use this little opening to destroy my corpse, maybe he won’t be able to bring me back again. And I’ve never tried decapitation yet, so there are some chances we may succeed this time.”

For a moment Thor stood gaping at his brother, unable to get a word out. He was absolutely horrified by how casually Loki was able to speak about such terrible things. “Loki, this is madness.”

Loki huffed. “Madness?!” he spat out. “You have no idea what it’s like to be trapped between life and death! To feel all the pain of your body shutting down, but never be granted the relief and rest that comes with death. To be bound to life on that thin thread that can break at any moment, yet it never does. It’s a torture.” There were tears glistening in the corners of Loki’s eyes. “So please have some mercy on me and swing your almighty axe. And quickly burn my body, so there would be no corpse to bring me back to.”

Thor shook his head. “There will be no need for this, brother, because I’m going to find another way save you. A one that will let you live.” Loki started to open his mouth to retort. “Loki, please! Don’t give up so quickly, at least let me try. The Norns have not given their answer yet.”

“And they won’t. The Norns hate me.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. I’m sure the Norns are simply busy now, after all the mess that Thanos made, that’s why it takes so long. But they will answer.”

“Oh, Thor, please, we both know I’m not exactly in their good graces. They don’t give a single fuck about me. And every passing day of my life confirms me more and more in my belief that all the good Norns were busy during my birth and only the malevolent ones paid me a visit to shape my fate, filling my life with as much misfortune as they could stuff in.”

“Loki, don’t say that.”

“All the benevolent Norns were probably busy with weaving a perfect fate for you.”

Thor huffed, offended. “Almost all my family is dead. All my childhood friends are dead and I could not save them. I lost my kingdom, my home, and now I need to rebuild it for the handful of my people that survived. I lost my hammer and my right eye. I had to watch you die three times already and now, when I just got you back, the fate wants to tear you out of my hands again. How is that perfect?”

“Well, my life was fucked up from day one, while you at least, before all that loss, had a chance to enjoy a life filled with splendour and glory.”

“Only you see it as such. I’ve had ups and downs. Like everyone. Like you too.”

“Oh, yes, we all have better and worse moments. The difference is in the ratio between both.”

Thor sighed. “Loki…” He reached his hand to caress Loki’s face, but his brother jumped away. “Loki, I don’t want to hurt you. Why are you like this? Why won’t you let me touch you?”

“It’s, ah, a little side effect of resurrecting me by the Grandmaster. He tends to be really possessive sometimes and doesn’t like his stuff touched without his permission. So the touch of anyone else besides him hurts me, unless he allows it.”

Thor felt the blood boil in his veins. “Loki, you will have a life. A real one. A free one. This I can promise. That I will never give up until you’ll be fully back here, like all the rest wiped out by Thanos.”

Loki gave him a resentful stare and sighed, closing his eyes, obviously not putting much faith in his declaration. His brother always tended to be a pessimist, expecting the worst outcome all the time. But it’s alright, Thor had enough hope for both of them.

 

***

 

The fire alarm went off in Thor’s room.

Thor yanked the door open. The sight before his eyes made his guts churn. In the middle of his room he saw Loki laying on the floor, Stormbreaker slicing his neck in half. He was laying on the sheets pulled off from Thor’s bed, now all soaked in blood and water from the fire sprinklers. Thor noticed one corner was burnt.

Thor slowly approached Loki, unsteady on his shaky feet. When he saw the blade of the axe cutting into his brother’s neck from close up, his knees gave in. He slumped to the floor and hid his face in his trembling hands. He had felt it was a bad idea to show the Stormbreaker to Loki, he could tell by the look in his eyes. He was fully aware of his brother’s state of mind, yet he was unwise enough to leave him unattended, without anyone beside him to make sure he won’t do anything stupid.

Thor clenched his teeth and struck the floor with his fist. Now he wasn’t even certain if the Norns will agree to help. How will he be able to beg them to grant his brother a peaceful life, if he was already dead again, by his own hand to boot?

Thor felt his eyes sting with tears. “Why… why do you always have to be so stubborn?”

He got startled by a small cough. “I could have asked you exactly the same thing,” Loki rasped out and his eyes snapped open.

Thor blinked a few times. “Loki? You’re… alive?”

“Well, yes, as you can see. Don’t worry, I am just as surprised as you that even the so-called greatest weapon in Asgard’s history, able to take down the Mad Titan himself, had not managed to end the great, endless misery of Loki Odinson. What a shame. I’ve planned to be a little pile of ash by now. But I’m just… wet?” His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“The fire sprinklers.”

“Ah, fuck. Right.” Loki sighed deeply. “I’m such an idiot sometimes.”

“Yes, you are a big idiot. For trying to kill yourself. And all of us too! Making fire on a spaceship is really not the best idea, you moron.” Loki gave him an apologetic smile.

Thor still couldn’t quite believe the sight before his eyes. It was a truly surreal view, Loki’s head, completely separate from his lifeless body, talking and moving as if nothing happened.

Thor heard loud footsteps coming from the corridor and Valkyrie appeared in the door. “Hey, Thor, wha- Oh shit.” She stopped dead.

Loki gave her a sweet smile. “Hi.”

Val twitched. “Did he just…?” She pointed at Loki with her mouth wide open. Thor nodded his head. She slowly walked over to them. “This is the weirdest fucking shit I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen a lot of weird fucking shit in my life. Oh fuck, Lackey, your brain is completely detached from your heart and lungs. How are you… How are you even functioning?”

“I’ve been asking myself the exact same question. But on the other hand the Grandmaster is a real miracle-worker so maybe I should not be so surprised... Ah, and speaking of whom,” Loki laughed bitterly, “I suspect he won’t be too thrilled to find his favourite toy is now in two separate parts.”

Thor grabbed the Stormbreaker and tried to carefully lift it up, but it was stuck in the floor. He tightened his grip on the handle, got a better footing and pulled it out with a jerk, exposing a deep dent in the floor in the gap of Loki’s neck sliced in half. The hole quickly filled up with the fresh blood.

“Does that hurt… a lot?” asked Thor.

“You know... it’s not so bad. I can’t really feel anything below that nasty wound on my neck, so that’s in fact far less body to hurt. Actually I may even call it an improvement.”

Thor laughed, shaking his head. “The sanity has left you a long time ago, brother, but it’s good to see that at least your humour is still there.”

Thor noticed a few fresh bloody spots appear on Loki’s forearm, staining the sleeve. “I think you might have another message from the Grandmaster.”

“What? Ah, you have to show it to me, I can’t move my head up.”

Thor put aside the Stormbreaker and leaned over Loki to pull the sleeve up, exposing the letters, carved deeper into Loki’s flesh than the last time. He gripped Loki’s wrist and lifted his hand up so he could read the message.

 _OH, HONEY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE_ _  
_ _WITH THIS WHOLE SUICIDAL NONSENSE_.

Loki huffed a bitter laugh. “Over my dead body.”

Thor pulled the sleeve down and gently placed Loki’s hand back on the floor.

“I’ve been wondering,” said Loki, “why are the decapitated ones referred to as _headless_? While in practice it’s much more like... _bodyless_.”

Thor shrugged. “Because _headless_ sounds better?”

“Only because you’re used to it.”

“How the fuck did you even do it?”

“I lifted the axe with my magic, then let it go. I must tell you, Stormbreaker is quite a heavy piece of junk. But, thankfully, not as heavy as Mjolnir.”

Thor really needed to reconsider the option of putting some enchantments on the Stormbreaker as well. Maybe not to forbid Loki from lifting it up completely, but at least to prevent him from using it in his suicide attempts.

“What am I supposed to do now with you?” asked Thor. “Carry your head around or what?”

”Ah, no, maybe try to attach my head back to my body, there’s a great chance it might just knit together on it’s own.”

 

***

 

Hlín sewn Loki’s head back to his body and indeed the next day the bones and tissues grew together seamlessly, the Grandmaster's magic working in a flash.

Thor was glad Loki joined them for dinner and finally ate something. But the peace didn’t last long. They had just finished their dinner, when Loki suddenly dropped his cup, doubled up and fell to the floor, his body quaking with spasms. Thor knew there’s no use in calling a healer. With Heimdall’s help they just carried Loki back to his room and laid him on the bed, knowing there’s nothing more they can do.

Loki leaned over the edge of the bed and threw up on the floor. Ah, great, just when Thor finally managed to make him eat. Loki retched a few times more, but there was nothing else left in his stomach. Thor went to the bathroom to bring a wet towel to wipe Loki’s face and a rag to clean the floor. When he returned to the room, his brother was laying on his back, gasping for breath. Thor tried to gently wipe out the spit and tears from his face, but Loki winced and moved away.

“Give me,” he rasped, reaching his hand for the towel.

Thor handed Loki the wet towel and started to wipe the vomit from the floor. After a while he heard his brother calling him, he lifted his head and a wet towel landed on his face.

“Loki!” growled Thor.

“You deserved this, you stubborn-” Loki sucked in a breath through his teeth and whined as another wave of pain overtook him.

Thor took the towel off his face. Loki was acting insufferably, but Thor could understand that. He would probably act just the same, if not worse, in such state. He put the towel aside and finished cleaning the floor. He carried the dirty rags to the bathroom and washed his hands. When he returned to the room he saw Loki floating in the air, a few inches above the bed.

“Loki, you’re...”

“Hurts less like this,” Loki hissed through his teeth.

“Oh. So it’s you doing the whole levitation thing.” Loki nodded. “I though it’s the Grandmaster.”

Loki clenched his teeth, trying to hold back the moans, his whole body trembling with strain. But after a moment he gave in, let out a long whine and started writhing again, legs kicking at the air aimlessly.

Thor sat on the edge of the bed. “Hold on just for a while longer, brother, the Norns will help us soon.”

Loki shot him a hateful glare. “Fuck you, Thor,” he muttered out through his teeth. “Fuck you and your thrice damned Norns.” He threw himself at Thor, his hand latching on to his forehead, knocking them both to the floor.

Thor felt a searing hot pain piercing through his whole body, as if he got struck by lightning, knocking all the air out of his lungs and blinding him momentarily. Every muscle in his body was burning.

“Thor! You’re ok?” He heard Val’s voice, barely coming through the ringing in his ears. He blinked a few times, slowly regaining his vision. His head was throbbing.

“Yeah, I’m alright.” Thor slowly got up, massaging his temples.

Loki was laying on the floor beside him, curled up and shivering. He opened his eyes and glared at Thor. “I wanted to sh-” He winced in pain. Thor waited for him to continue, but Loki didn’t seem to be able to talk any more.

“I know you’re suffering, but it’s going to be alright, brother, I promise you.”

 

***

 

Loki didn’t toss about on the bed any more, but the pain didn’t seem to go away. He simply had no more strength in his frail body, too exhausted to even hover above the bed any more. He just laid motionless, spare for a few shivers from time to time, his breath short and heavy.

Thor tried to give Loki some water, putting the glass to his mouth, but his lips stayed tightly pressed together. “Loki, please, you need to drink.” Thor wasn’t sure Loki even heard anything he said. After getting no reaction from his brother, he put the glass back on the table.

Thor heard Loki’s ragged breaths die down. “Loki!” He leaned above his brother. “Breathe, brother, just breathe…” When Loki still gave no sign of life, Thor felt his heart skip a beat. “Brother, please, don’t leave me,” he begged, with a slight quiver in his voice. Loki twitched and drew in a shaky breath. Thor sighed with relief. “That’s it, brother, don’t give up yet.”

“He won’t give up, Thor,” he heard Valkyrie’s stern voice from behind him. “He’s not able to, the Grandmaster will keep him as little alive as it’s absolutely necessary, but he won’t let him die.”

In this whole hassle Thor seemed to forget that. But the reminder calmed him a little, it meant he didn’t have to worry about not having enough time to save Loki. Still, it didn’t make it hurt any less to see his brother suffer. “Listen, Loki, I’m going to convince the Norns to cure you. And if they won’t listen, then I’m going to find someone else, I promise.” He heard a faint pained whimper escape Loki’s lips. “I’m not going to give up on you, brother. I’ll search through the whole universe till you’ll get back your life. Just like everyone else who was wronged by Thanos. Because you deserve a good, peaceful life too. And I swear, I’m not going to let you down this time.”

He got startled by Valkyrie taping his shoulder. He shot her a questioning glance and she nodded to the door.

“We’ll be back in a moment, Loki,” said Thor.

Thor and Valkyrie stood up and walked out of the room, quietly closing the door.

“Thor, I know you just got him back,” said Val. “And you already lost him a few times. And it’s not an easy choice to make… but you can’t do this to him.”

“Do what?”

“Keep him like this forever.” Thor opened his mouth to protest, but she held up a hand to silence him. “Listen, I know it’ll be hard for you, but you can’t let him suffer like this.”

“I don’t want him to suffer. That’s why I’m trying to fix him.”

“And what if there isn’t a way to fix him? What if Norns will refuse?”

“You don’t know that, maybe they will grant him a new life.”

“And what if they won’t? What then? You’re just going to drag Loki, squirming in anguish, through the whole universe? For how long? Until you’ll find help? Thor, it might take years. Centuries. You may never find anyone who’ll be able and willing to help him. There are not many creatures as powerful as the Grandmaster inhabiting the universe. And even if you’ll manage to find them, most of them won’t be very willing to cooperate.”

“Then what do you think I’m supposed to do, huh?”

“Wait for the Norns to answer. But if they’ll say no, then grant your brother mercy and end his suffering. And if you’ll not be able to swing the axe yourself... then I can help you.”

“I won’t kill my own brother,” growled Thor. “And I don’t want your fucking help!”

“Thor, don’t you hear his sobs every time you mention that you’re going to drag this out?”

“I can’t watch him die again... I just can’t.”

“I know it hurts to let him go again. But maybe you’ll have too. He deserves the rest. Letting him suffer like this is just cruel. And selfish.”

“I can’t let him die either.”

“Thor…”

“No. The talk is over.”

Thor walked back in the room and quickly shut the door, not letting Valkyrie back in.

He sat by Loki’s bed, watching over his brother, until he couldn’t keep his heavy eyes open any more and fell asleep. He dreamt of cold emptiness, his brother’s hand slipping from his grip, his silhouette getting smaller and smaller as he fell into the abyss and finally disappeared somewhere between the little spots of faraway stars.

 

***

 

Loki’s skin was ashen, glistening with cold sweat, his cheeks even more sunken than usually. His eyebrows were furrowed in pain, quiet whines escaping the chapped lips. It was hard to watch Loki suffer like this and be unable to do anything to comfort him. Thor felt so helpless. Just like those times many centuries ago, when they were still children and Loki was ill during the hot summers, lying in bed half-conscious, with a wet rag on his forehead. And Thor could just sit by his bed and wait for his little brother get well enough to play with him again.

Thor took Loki’s cold, clammy hand in his and gently lifted it up, putting the open palm to his forehead. “Share your pain with me, if it might help you.” He only felt Loki’s fingers twitch weakly, but he didn’t get struck by the pain. “Don’t hold back, brother, I can take it.” When he still didn’t feel even a tiniest ounce of pain sipping into him, he gently put Loki’s hand back on the bed. “We can make it through, together. Just don’t give up, brother, please. I’m going to get you out of this, I promise. I won’t let you down again.” He heard Loki make a quiet whine and saw a single tear roll down his cheek.

Thor’s heart still screamed as loud as ever that he can’t let Loki go, not again. But the reasonable part of his mind was starting to break through with its accusations of cruelty and selfishness. He remembered the brief glimpse of the blinding pain that Loki gave him. It was terrible just for that split second, but his brother had to endure it continuously all the time.

But Thor would never let Loki suffer like this, if he had no hope to cure him, to set everything to right. Except… was there really any hope? What if the Norns will refuse his pleas? Will he find any other help? Wasn’t he just a stubborn fool to think that not only he’ll eventually manage find someone who could overpower Grandmaster’s magic, but also succeed to convince them to help him? Valkyrie was right, it might take centuries. He might never succeed at all. That would be indeed just a waste of time, a needless prolonging of Loki’s torment.

Thor had to end this before he’ll get drawn in too far, before the point of no return. He had a kingdom to rule, his people awaiting their king’s return. He really couldn’t afford to spend the rest of his life wandering over the galaxy, ignoring his responsibilities. He wasn’t a prince any more, now he was bound to them by his duty as their king and he couldn't leave them alone like that. Especially not now, when they just lost their home and had to build everything anew.

One last chance with the Norns and then he’ll put the end to this madness. If the Norns won’t agree to cure Loki, maybe at least they will grant him enough will to follow on his resolution and give him strength to swing the axe.

“Loki, I hope you can hear me.” Loki gave no response, but Thor continued. “We’ll only wait for the Norns to answer. But if no help will come from them, I will…” The words stuck in his throat. He sucked in a deep breath. “I will fulfil your wish then. On a nearest suitable planet I will make you a beautiful funeral pyre. You have my word.” Thor saw a glimpse of relief on Loki’s face. “And I’m… ah… I’m sorry for calling your request insane. What I do is madness, clutching to you so desperately. I can’t… I don’t want to keep you suffering like this forever. And if my only hope will be to see you again in Valhalla, then so be it.” He made a pause to wipe his eyes with a sleeve. “But you’ll get your rest, brother.”

Thor dozed off, his back leaned against the bed. He dreamt of his brother’s face as grey as the dust covering Svaralfheimr. And the dreadful crack of bones. And the purple fire, eating almost everything away, but stubbornly refusing to swallow Thor and his aching heart.

 

***

 

This whole wait was wearing him down. He paced through the room, bumping from wall to wall like a beast in a cage. He yearned to take some action, but all he could do was sit and wait. He had no idea what to do with his hands, so he just awkwardly clenched and unclenched his fists. He wished he could at least take Loki in his arms, hold his shivering body against his chest and lull him in his embrace. But he knew it will do nothing but give Loki even more pain.

He noticed Loki’s sleeve was stained with fresh blood. Another message. What the fuck did this son of a bitch want from them this time? Thor walked over to the bed and gently pushed the sleeve up.

 _SPARKLES, BRING LOLO BACK._ _  
_ _CAN’T YOU SEE THE POOR THING CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT ME?_

An angry growl escaped Thor’s lips. He clenched his fists tighter, lightning dancing on his palms. The air in the small space of the room filled with static. He stomped over to the other side of the room and punched the wall, making a deep dent in the metal. He heard a weak moan and turned around. Loki lay curled on his side, trembling, his arms wrapped around his head.

“Forgive me, brother,” whispered Thor.

He should leave, all the noise he made did his suffering brother no good. He left his bedroom and went to the main room of the ship. He was greeted by Valkyrie sitting in a chair by the window, holding a bottle of beer.

Thor knocked over the table, then shot it with a lightning, burning out a sizeable hole in the middle.

Valkyrie sighed and took a swig from the bottle. “I hope the Norns will answer before you’ll destroy the whole ship.”

Thor leaned against the wall next to her and slid down to the floor. “I hate waiting. I want to do something. But there’s nothing to do.”

Heimdall came, worried by the noise. Thor threw him a hopeful glance. “I’m sorry, Your Highness,” said Heimdall, “Still haven’t heard back from the Norns.”

“What’s taking them so long?” growled Thor. “Did you tell them it’s urgent?”

“Yes, my king. But I guess for an eternal beings like Norns there’s no big difference between a week and a month.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake…” Thor banged his head back on the wall.

Valkyrie stood up and brought two full bottles, one for her, one for him. Thor downed his in one go. “You have more?”

They ended up drinking half the supply of beer that was in the fridge and passed out on the floor. Thor was grateful for the dreamless sleep.

A few hours later Heimdall woke them up. “Your Highness, the Norns have granted you a visitation.”

Thor leapt to his feet and staggered as the pain split his skull. First he needed to drink some water. And maybe visit Hlín. He can’t negotiate with the Norns while hungover.

 

***

 

Thor was sitting in a chair by Loki’s bed, his chin propped up on one hand. His negotiations with the Norns went well and Loki should wake up any moment now.

When his brother wasn’t suffering any more, the wait was much more bearable. Loki’s body was slowly healing and regaining its normal strength. His skin got back to its healthy hue, he was no longer shaking with fever, his breath calm and steady. Hlín had already examined Loki, conforming that there’s no trace of foreign magic in his body any more.

Loki stirred in the bed, drew in a deep breath and opened his eyes. He blinked a few times, his eyes roaming over the ceiling.

“How are you feeling?” asked Thor.

Loki turned his face towards him, drawn by his voice. He pondered for a moment. “Tired. But besides that I’m fine, I guess.” Loki mustered up a weak but sincere smile.

Thor almost said “I told you the Norns will help us”, but he bit his tongue. That was no time to gloat. It would probably just irritate Loki and Thor definitely didn’t need that. “I’m so happy to have you back, brother,” he said instead.

Thor reached his hand towards Loki to caress his face, but abruptly stopped midway, uncertain if he’s welcome to touch his brother again, and just left his hand hanging in the air between them, open palm up, waiting for Loki’s reaction. His brother eyed his hand, then looked at Thor, a little bit unsure what to do. He slowly sat up and hesitantly brought his hand closer to Thor’s. The tips of his fingers brushed the center of Thor’s palm. He didn’t flinch away this time and slowly exhaled the breath he was holding. “Everything is back to normal,” he said but pulled his hand away nonetheless.

Thor gave Loki a bright smile and took Loki’s hand in both of his, careful to keep his touch as light as possible. When he saw only a mild surprise on Loki’s face, but no sign of pain or discomfort, he gripped Loki’s hand tighter and pulled him into a hug. He heard his brother make a startled gasp and felt him tense up in his embrace momentarily. Thor didn’t let go of him, instead hugging him even tighter, and after a while he felt Loki’s arms wrap around him, his body slowly relaxing into the embrace.

Thor stroked Loki’s back tenderly. “You’re safe now, brother,” he murmured. “And always will be.” He pulled back and put his hands on Loki’s shoulders. “The Norns not only freed you from the Grandmaster’s control, but also put a seal on your body to prevent him from ever regaining that control over you again.” Thor tapped Loki’s chest. “It’s there, right above your heart.”

Loki lifted up his shirt and looked down. In the center of his chest there was a circular mark filled with ancient runes, the dark signs standing out sharply against his pale skin.

“Oh, the Grandmaster must be so surprised,” said Loki and chucked. “He was probably so sure I'll come back to him on my knees, begging for mercy and forgiveness.”

“And he miscalculated. Greatly.”

Loki smirked, but a moment later he fell into a pensive mood, all smile gone from his face. He looked down, his fingers fiddling aimlessly with the hem of his shirt. They sat in silence for a while.

Loki lifted his head up and looked Thor straight in the eye. “What did the Norns ask of you in return?”

Thor was taken aback by the sudden question. “Uh, what?”

“I know they don’t fulfil such requests for free. So I’m asking, what did the Norns demand from you for granting me a new life?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Thor blurted out quickly.

“Thor, I want to know.”

Loki stared at him expectantly, waiting for a reply. Thor sighed. He guessed there was not much sense in hiding it, as Loki was bound to find that out sooner or later anyway. He might as well tell him that right now. “My lightning. They wanted me to renounce my power over storm.”

Loki’s mouth went slack and his eyes grew bigger. He shook his head. “No... Thor, I’m not worth-”

“Don’t you even dare to think that. You are my brother. You are the only family I have left. Nothing can compare to you.”

“But… what is the God of Thunder without his lightning?”

Obviously, he wasn’t the God of Thunder any more. He couldn’t even say he felt fully like himself, since that electric buzz flowing through his body disappeared. It was there his whole life, right under his skin, but he never even fully realized it until it was gone. Now his body felt _numb_ in some way. But Loki didn’t need to know that. “Oh, it’s not so bad,” he said instead. “I still have my fighting skills. My strength.” Thor flexed his biceps to confirm that and smiled reassuringly. “I am still very much a warrior, don’t worry.”

Thor felt as if some piece of him died. The lightning will never sing for him again, the clouds won’t gather at his will, the rain won’t fall at his command. But he’ll learn to live without that. His whole body felt strange and numb now, but he knew he’ll get used to that too. In time he won’t notice the change any more.

The empty hole inside him, though, that always appeared every time after he had lost his brother, he knew there was nothing in the whole universe to fill it it with. The emptiness would stay with him, like it always did, and he would never get used to that. The hurt may fade a bit with time, but it’ll never be gone completely.

There was no other choice for him to make.

Loki fell quiet, in a very unsettling way, staring distantly at the wall. Thor was unable to guess what was exactly going on his brother’s mind, but he felt that Loki once again got sucked into that gloomy recesses of his mind, where all the dark and nasty thoughts dwelt and plagued him with their whispered lies, magnifying all the bad things and blurring all the good ones.

Thor put his hand on top of Loki’s, startling him out of him thoughts. “Loki, everything is going to be alright.”

Loki stared at him for a while, then snorted. “May I remind you the last time you said that, my neck got snapped a moment later?”

Thor felt as if he got punched in the guts. He gripped Loki’s hand tighter, reassuringly. “Thanos is dead. You really have nothing to fear now.”

Loki glared and him and snatched his hand away from his grasp. “The universe is endless, there are always another monsters lurking around the corner. Even you, the Mighty Thor, can’t kill them all.”

“Don’t be so fatalistic.”

“I’m just realistic. I’ve always been a trouble magnet. And this is but a calm before another storm.”

“Don’t say that.”

Loki’s eyebrows lifted up. “Would you then prefer me to lie instead, brother?” he asked, his tone mockingly sweet.

“I just think there’s no use in worrying prematurely.”

Loki gave him a solemn look. “I’m merely trying not to get my hopes too high.” He moved his gaze to the side, his shoulders slumping. “It hurts less that way, you know,” he murmured, so quietly that Thor barely heard his words.

Thor put his hand in the crook of Loki’s neck, getting his attention back. He looked his brother straight in the eye. “Whatever obstacle the fate will throw in your way, I’ll be there, right beside you, to help you. And together we can overcome every trouble.” He gave Loki a warm, reassuring smile. “The sun will shine on us again, right?”

Loki forced himself to smile, but it never reached his eyes. Thor suspected he just did that to shut him up and end their pointless discussion.

Thor sighed. He knew there was nothing he could say to change his brother’s mind. He’ll have to prove Loki wrong not with words but with deeds. And he’s not going to disappoint his brother again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked the story please let me know in the comments :) I like getting kudos, but comments mean so much more to me.
> 
> I needed a name for the healer and after a trip on Wikipedia I found Hlín. She’s a minor goddess in Norse mythology, somehow connected with Frigg. Not much is known about her, but her name means something like a protector and one of her greatest sorrows is being unable to protect those dear to Frigga, that is to prevent the deaths of her son Balrd and her husband Odin. I found it very fitting somehow, as in my story she’s also unable to help a person loved by Frigga, her son Loki.


End file.
